Food is Fuel - really ?

For those that do not know me too well, I have struggled with my weight for most of my life - definitely all of my adult life. In fact, I have started to realise that it has defined most of who I am. I spend way too many waking hours thinking of food, weight, food, exercise, food, appearance, food etc etc.  I am not sure why it is such an obsession but it tends to consume me..... and that can't be healthy.

Anyway, after losing a lot of weight and vowing NEVER to be 'that' person again.......  I then had 8 weeks of eating my way through Australia, and I gained 8 kilos ! Yep, that is disgraceful, scary, unhealthy and I am very ashamed. But it is what it is, and something needs to be done NOW !!

So this last week I have focused on fresh clean (as clean as India can offer me) non-carb or sugar food.  However, my main focus has been to try to not 'focus' on food. I am trying to remove the 'emotion' from my eating and food - just eat for survival rather than as comfort, joy or to 'fill a void'.  It has been hard but as the days go by I think it's getting easier - not having to think of gourmet meals that will make everyone 'happy' - just food to keep us going, to fuel us.

Mike is with me on this but the boys are not !! I don't feel that they need to focus on it in such a severe way but I am trying to reduce the 'comfort' food and expectations for sweets and carbs.  I am trying to stop the boys from asking constantly what's for dinner, or what can we eat...... just eat what's put in front of you.

It's so hard as a mum and wife to not want to nurture constantly. And I admit I have used food as a way of making my family happy - but who hasn't ?  Even if it is just chocolates as a gift.   Maybe I can change this to be not such an important aspect of our days. I love when people say how delicious dinner was but I also know that it doesn't 'need' to be that way, all of the time. Breaking the habit is hard!

How long will this last ? Probably not long but as long as I can lose the 10+ kilos I need, maybe I can change the attitude I have to food just a little bit.  

As a side note - I just to show how hard it can be to find good clean and fresh produce most of the time here in Bangalore.  This was from the supermarket last week.....

Cauliflower at its best.

and finding decent oranges is unheard of !!