Yesterday we were talking to one of the many lovely waiters at the Leela Palace Hotel where we have been staying this week. His name is Jagdish (Jack for short) and he and his colleague, Suraj, took a real shining to the boys. They could not do enough to keep them happy - even if if meant 2 jugs of Hot Chocolate every morning !! and a chocolate cake to say goodbye.
It was a bit late in the morning, so breakfast was slowing down, so Jagdish had time to chat with us. He comes from Delhi but has been living in Bangalore for 5 years. Max wanted to know if he had children - "no", he said, "I am not married Madam. I get married next week in Delhi". The first thing that came to mind was 'is it arranged'? Yes, it is an arranged marriage he told me with a very generous head wobble. He was very happy with the idea and was looking forward to all the celebrations.
Obviously, the concept of arranged marriages is not common in Australia, so it intrigues me to understand the thoughts behind them and there success. 90% of marriages in India are arranged and the divorce rate in India is only 1.1%, compared to Australia at 2.4%.
If you ask Indians what the benefits of an arranged marriage are, the common responses are:
It was a bit late in the morning, so breakfast was slowing down, so Jagdish had time to chat with us. He comes from Delhi but has been living in Bangalore for 5 years. Max wanted to know if he had children - "no", he said, "I am not married Madam. I get married next week in Delhi". The first thing that came to mind was 'is it arranged'? Yes, it is an arranged marriage he told me with a very generous head wobble. He was very happy with the idea and was looking forward to all the celebrations.
Obviously, the concept of arranged marriages is not common in Australia, so it intrigues me to understand the thoughts behind them and there success. 90% of marriages in India are arranged and the divorce rate in India is only 1.1%, compared to Australia at 2.4%.
If you ask Indians what the benefits of an arranged marriage are, the common responses are:
- The parents know their children best, so their choice will be appropriate
- It's not about two people having a relationship - it is two families joining together into a society. This reduces the differences in religion, caste, language etc
- If there are issues the family will solve them together
- Love marriages are based on trying to impress, looks and lust. These will not sustain a happy relationship
- In an arranged marriage, you will discover love for your partner as each day goes by
These reasons hit home hard with me. I cannot imagine that my parents, or Mikes, would have necessarily chosen our families to join together. We come from very different upbringing, politics, religions, extended families, and work backgrounds. It hasn't changed our marriage at all, or our relationship with either sets of parents - we love them both dearly and I am in constant contact. I suppose this is because in our culture, we start a new life when we get married, where as in an arranged marriage it is an extension of your existing family.
Part of an arranged marriage is obviously the location of the family. So, this adventure that we have now embarked on to India, would not be common in India, because the parents would expect to have you nearby to assist with family matters and then for the relationship with the grandchildren. I am assuming my Mum is reading this now and wishing she had arranged my marriage :) I can only imagine the 'choice' of partner my parents would have made and where I would be right now ??
For me, love marriages are still the only option for my boys. But I definitely see the benefits in arranged marriages and can see how they would be successful in an Indian culture. Maybe, I can 'help' them make the best choice. hee hee hee
What do you think ?
No comments:
Post a Comment